


Fill in the Blanks

by Unhinged



Category: Ylvis
Genre: 4 Stjerners Middag, M/M, Valle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 12:37:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1226569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unhinged/pseuds/Unhinged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sort of a Kink Meme Prompt fill for:</p>
<p>I'd like to see a "Fill-in-the-blanks-fic" for what V doesn't remember from the "Come Dine with Me" skit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fill in the Blanks

**Author's Note:**

> Most likely not what the person who wrote the prompt had in mind, but this was inspired by it so mentioning it anyway. Hah.

Calle knew he was drunk. He didn't think he had drunk quite _that_ much though. Certainly not when compared to the midget squad. Bård and Vegard had giggled like girls, vomited all over the place and nearly nodded off during the musical performance. Well, Bård had nearly nodded off, Vegard had been flat out snoring.

Calle shook his head. First he had had to go and collect Vegard from the balcony where he had been fertilising the flower bed beneath. Then he had had to deposit his carcass on the sofa and poke him until he woke up enough to acknowledge that there was a performance happening. Calle was maybe a little bit sour that his surprise was all but ruined by the lack of enthusiasm from the audience. Oh well, he had organised it mainly for the sake of comedy anyway.

Now their guests and the camera crew had finally left and Calle was putting the Ylvisåkers to bed. Bård had been ambulatory but headed to a closet. Calle had guided the younger brother to the master bedroom and tucked him in like the baby he was. Bård had even completed the image by sticking his thumb in his mouth. Calle could only shrug and leave. Obviously after taking a picture for blackmail purposes later.

When Calle returned downstairs for the older sibling, he saw that Vegard was exactly where he had left him. Calle would've happily left Vegard to sleep leaning against the black sofa's armrest, but the people who owned the house had been absolutely adamant that they wanted nothing to happen to their sofa or there would be consequences. Calle didn't know what said consequences would be, other than sending TV Norge the cleaners' bill.

“Get your lazy ass up,” Calle said and nudged Vegard.

No reaction.

“Come on, I'm tired.”

Not a single curl quivered.

“Oh come on!” Calle was getting frustrated and maybe rocking Vegard a little bit too hard. He managed to knock the smaller man clean off the couch. That at least finally woke him up.

“Hey whassa doo mm,” Vegard said with great outrage and little clarity.

“Get up, we're going to bed,” Calle said and giggled. “Not as in bed bed, but as in bed bed.” Okay, maybe he was just a tiny little bit inebriated as well.

Vegard made no effort to get up but lifted his hand for Calle to grab instead.

“Put that thing down, I'm not lifting you,” Calle said, causing Vegard to look at him like a sad puppy. Curse those brown eyes.

Calle bent to grab Vegard's arm and pulled the smaller man to his feet. Calle had thought that Vegard was steady enough to stand but he was proven wrong by a face full of black curls when Vegard keeled over and into Calle's chest. With a grunt, the taller man grabbed Vegard around the middle and held him up. He had no choice but to put Vegard back on the couch. As soon as he was seated, Vegard laid down and lifted his legs up too, curling into a small ball like a kitten.

“You're hopeless. I hope you know that. Hopefully you do,” Calle said and giggled. Man the buzz in his head felt good.

If Calle was being perfectly honest with himself, he had to admit that Vegard looked rather adorable. Calle sat down on the sofa next to his friend. Vegard's white shirt was badly rumpled and for some reason Calle's brain told him it would be a good idea to take it off and straighten it.

Manoeuvring Vegard was relatively easy. He offered no resistance, allowing Calle to roll him over as he pleased. Calle managed to peel the garment off and lay it neatly down on the coffee table. Satisfied with his work, Calle took a moment to look at his friend.

Vegard had tucked his hands under his head. His upper body was completely exposed and Calle couldn't help but stare. Whatever baby fat Vegard had ever had was certainly gone now. He had sleek, hard muscles and strong arms. The dark hair on his chest was curly and unbelievably soft.

Calle realised his own hands were all over Vegard's chest. How did that happen?

Vegard made a quiet, pleased sound in his sleep. Calle petted his chest more and was awarded with another happy moan. Encouraged by the reaction he was receiving, Calle let his hands wander lower. The hair on Vegard's stomach was concentrated in a vertical line, leading down into his trousers. Calle felt a great urge to follow the trail.

“Wait, what am I doing?” Calle suddenly froze and asked himself aloud. A small, quiet voice was crying somewhere in the depths of his mind, telling him to stop. Maybe he should just go and put himself to bed.

“Don't stop,” a sleepy voice muttered. Calle looked at Vegard. Was he awake?

“Don't stop what?” Calle asked.

“Whatever you were doing. Feels good,” Vegard replied and he sounded lucid enough.

Calle was happy to oblige. He let his hands wander all over Vegard's chest again, petting the hair, following the edges of his ribs. Vegard almost purred in pleasure.

Encouraged, Calle finally allowed his hands to follow the path lower. He opened Vegard's jeans and slipped his fingers under the waistband of his red briefs. Vegard made a little 'ooh' sound and Calle grinned devilishly. He was definitely going in the right direction.

Vegard writhed a bit under Calle. For a moment, Calle thought he had gone too far, but Vegard was simply getting rid of his jeans. Calle approved.

Free of the restricting material, Calle had better access. He slipped Vegard's underpants down too, revealing more thick black hair. His hand couldn't resist the temptation anymore and grabbed the prize lying amidst the tight curls.

Vegard moaned again and Calle lifted his eyebrows. Very sensitive, are we?

Calle was merciless. His grip was tight and secure. He moved his hand agonisingly slowly, gliding along the length. Vegard had sat up at some point and grabbed Calle's shoulders. He was digging his short nails in and Calle almost told him to let go before he drew blood.

They kept going, Calle slowly increasing the speed and the intensity. Vegard was moaning and panting. Calle could see he was very near to climaxing. From out of the blue, Calle thought about the couch. The stain they were about to leave would be rather noticeable on the soft black material. He turned Vegard's hips and gave the final violent jerk that pushed Vegard over the edge.

“Well that ruined the carpet,” Calle said after they had spent a moment just panting quietly and letting the ecstasy wash over them. Vegard was leaning against the backrest of the sofa, eyes half-closed and a goofy smile on his face. Calle moved to sit next to him.

“Didn't know I had that in me,” Calle mused out loud.

“In me?” Vegard asked. He sounded more alert than he had all evening.

Calle raised his eyebrows as he noticed Vegard drop to the floor and kneel in front of him.

“Ooh hey, what are you - ?” Calle was cut short when Vegard tore his jeans open. Vegard dug around in Calle's boxers and another part of Calle was faster to react to the situation than his head.

Calle nearly yelped as he felt himself enter Vegard's hot, wet mouth. The surprise soon turned into enjoyment. Vegard was good, Calle had to admit. He went just far enough, kept his teeth out of the way and sucked gently. He had clearly been at it before.

Soon all rational thought left Calle. He gave himself to the physical sensations and centred his being around his throbbing member. Vegard kept torturing him, teasing and gentle. Just when Calle thought he couldn't take anymore, Vegard switched gears. Calle shouted. He came hard, almost violently. Vegard immediately let go and spat it out on the carpet, coughing and gagging.

“What a romantic you are,” Calle muttered after he could talk again.

Vegard was wiping his mouth. He looked strangely small, sitting on the ground naked with his hair standing in each direction. Calle felt the sudden urge to take him right there. Flip him on his stomach and push in, maybe hear him scream.

Vegard got up off the floor. He staggered to the sofa and sat down. He lifted his legs up, pulled them up and laid his head down in Calle's lap. For a while, Calle thought about protesting but let it be. He petted Vegard's hair until he heard the smaller man start snoring faintly.

Calle leaned his head back. He was tired and the pleasant buzz in his head had transformed into a sickening dizziness. He let his arms rest on Vegard's warm body. He should probably get a blanket or something, but he was unwilling to move. Calle felt the pull of sleep become overpowering. He saw no reason to resist it.


End file.
